Sphinctorial Response: Election!

Warning the following is a rant of monumentally stupid proportions

Ok so let’s talk about something that could actually be important. The upcoming US elections. Dubbed the most important election in modern history by some pundits this will decide the leader of the free world. Firstly can I just say this, who decided that, I know it’s not the actual position, and really the president of America has no power of the rest of the world. Buts it’s a largely acknowledged fact that apparently America > rest of free world. Now nothing against America, but can we have someone else be in charge of the free world for a bit. Let’s try Sweden or Germany maybe. Let’s have a country not involved in two unwinnable wars and with an economy that’s not, to put it delicately 'fucked'.

Ah, the smile of a clown!

Just for a bit let’s look somewhere else for some guidance. Now before we get on to the two new candidates for leader of the free world, let’s look at the current one. ‘G dub’, lets call him for comic effect. Now undeniably he will go down as one of the worst leaders in history, the man was a cowboy. In more than one sense. But sometimes people the world needs a cowboy, sometimes it just takes some clown with a gun picking off all the people, that everyone else is even scared to call bad names.

On the scale of bad to monumental screw up Iraq isn’t even able to be classified with words. It started 'bad' went to 'worse', shot through 'fucked up' and is currently somewhere near the noise a elephant would make when attacked by a horde of rampant weevils. But that’s war. War is never going to end the way you planned it. War is something you cannot plan. So don’t go to war then you say, well that’s one answer and the answer to that is shut up you hippy douche bag. What’s the quote the only thing needed for bad men to succeed is for good men to do nothing.

Saddam?

You can be against violence that’s fine, but war is a modern necessity, Hitler wasn’t going to piss off back through Europe after sitting down for a nice cuppa with Churchill. And Saddam wasn’t going to stop being a prick, yes one day he would have died, but then we would have had his two psychotic spawns to deal with. And those two fuckers made Saddam look like poppa smurf. You can hate Bush with a passion, I know I do, but remember he did something that should have been done a long time ago. Sometimes you need a cowboy. Some one who will act, maybe under the wrong pretence, but someone who’ll man up and act.

Now onto the new prospective leaders, Obama and McCain. Apparently the former being to young and the later being to old, one has experience the other has charisma. Well going by that, I know I’d want the leader who’s going to be able to smile whilst stealing from my pocket. Or do I want the guy who’s going to die midterm and leave us with the possibility that ‘Commander in Chief’ was a prophecy.

As far as I can tell nothing much has changed since last time you had to vote my Yankee friends. You’re voting on promise, a big bowl of well wishes and blind faith. You may be the most well informed voter out there, but still you’re voting on the promise of whatever your candidate is saying they’re going to do. Apparently the most important job in the free world, yet it has less accountability than working at a seven eleven. Doesn’t that bother you?

"And I thought people would love my idea of changing the currency to italian sausage"

That any clown can get into office completely screw shit up, but as long as there is no ‘cigar’ incident involved. They will be completely clear of any punishment or threat of losing the job. Here’s a new rule for incoming presidents, when you leave office there is another vote, on whether you did a good job or not. If the answer is no, ‘sorry, we’ll take your left arm thanks!’. Simply as that, do a bad job we're taking a limb. That’s completely fair if you ask me.

Obama, apparently has no experience being president… well folks either does McCain, and by that arguement no one has any experience at any job they have never done. Hell every single teenager is completely unemployable. Foreign experience, Bush didn’t have any and he still got voted in, so that shouldn’t stop Obama either. But he is charismatic, and he’s a liberal so no doubt will gel well with other leaders of the world. Personality is important, unfortunately, a decent used car salesman could probably do the same job.

McCain quite frankly is just too old, when your generation gap is ‘multi’ you should give up. His VP has about as much experience as a monkey in a suit, but thats a pretty hot monkey. People say he’s a war monger, because he still wants to keep troops in Iraq. Well what if that actually works, what if he fixes it, are all the liberals going to eat a big shit and humble sandwich. Probably not. And that’s what annoys me, especially about American politics, all over the world you elect on promise, that’s democracy in a capitalist world. But and in America especially there is this militant opinion of your own side and the opposition.

Free AK47's and Abortions for everyone!

It’s the same in Australia, you vote the way your parents did. If you grew up in a blue state then odds are you’ll be a blue voter. Its sociological, your values affect your political leanings, so it doesn’t matter which candidate is best for your country. And you stick to your guns militaristically so, a swing voter is a rare thing. You get the feeling some people would still vote for there candidate no matter what they said or stood for.

Obama: “I’m for free pool parties every Sunday…and I’m going to mandate every school teacher postman and waiter carries a gold plated AK47”

McCain: “Free abortions for everybody”

What if, what the other guy promises works, I know its never going to happen. So don’t worry, you can still keep on yelling McCain’s a warmonger baby seal clubbing redneck and Obama’s a hippy liberal douche. But what if suddenly everything works out, there’s low unemployment, the economy is fine, hospitals and schools flourish and it was the other guy that did it… what then?

Next week, democracy is the problem!

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