Sphinctorial Response: Mind my language

LANGUAGE WARNING Strong language used, probably not safe for work... or people with taste.

A lot of people out there are what some people might call grammar Nazis. People that focus in on the mistakes in spelling and grammar people make and berate them for it. Me, not so much. It’s not that I don’t care if I’m right or not. It’s just that if the message gets through and it’s not embarrassingly bad, then I’m pretty laid back on the subject.

But language is more than just proper syntax and spelling ‘fulcrum’ correctly. Language also involves swearing, fuck, lovely unashamed swearing. I love swearing, well not so much love, just do. I’m Australian and male, and from a regional area, so if each sentence doesn’t involve ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’, there is probably something wrong with me, or my nanas in the room.

In her endo ha ha... I'm sorry

Swearing has just become a part of my language, since I was in primary school when I learnt it from my friends, those damned bad role models. And to this day it’s just a blur of cuss words and filthy innuendo, or your endo, as I make my way through every day life. Swear or cuss words have lost their ‘badness’ long ago for me, and have just sank into every day language. I don’t unleash them in just any situation, my internal switch seems to work pretty well.

Me: “Hey, would you pass the fucking potatoes”
Mum: “Hey language”
Me: “Oh, yeah sorry, would you pass me the fucking potatoes please”
Mum: “That’s not funny”
Me: “Arse… balls, shit, fulcrum, nipples, placenta, vaginal quiche”
Mum: “You’re such a little cunt”
Me: “Ohhhh, not the C-bomb, please mum were trying to keep it PG around here”

Ok so my mum would never say the c-bomb, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever heard her go worse than ‘shit’. But back to me, I don’t find those words offensive and I don’t really think there is any need to.

‘They are not in heaven because they fuck wives of Ely’ is thought to be the first used example of the word. Taken from the poem ‘Flen flyys’ written somewhere around 1500 ad. The word was probably changed because of the connotation that members of the church, whom the poem was about, were misbehaving. This is also most likely why it is seen as a curse word, because it was making fun of religious figures.

Ok so you don’t like the word I’m not trying to convince you to start dropping it into polite conversation along with any other swear words you may care to. So Bill from work says he can recite the entire script of ‘Tron’ from memory, and you don’t believe him, I’m not asking you to call him a fuck knuckle poo burglar. I’m sure just punching him would suffice.

Even the C-bomb came from innocent beginnings as merely an Anglo Saxon word for the Vulva or Vagina. There was even a street for the hookers in ye olde times called Gropecunt street. Because that’s were you would go to grope… ah you get the idea.

“…the oldest people. Wandered far away over all the earth, captivity to captivity, multiplying, dying, being born everywhere. It lay there now. Now it could bear no more. Dead: an old woman's: the grey sunken cunt of the world.’
James Joyce referring to the Dead Sea in Ulysses

See even proper writers swear. We seem to have become more prudish over times as certain values from certain traditions have become more prevalent. (That’s my nice why of blaming Christianity). Words that simply referred to a piece of anatomy or an act of sex, violence or craftsmanship, somehow hold this holy status as evil, when they never meant that. So come on kids lets take them back, I wont be happy till its being used everywhere.

Newsreader Tom: “And now to international affairs, were we’re joined by foreign correspondent Michael Hunt”
Mike: “Thanks Tom, Yes I’m here on the steps of the French embassy”
Tom: “What’s happening Mike?”
Mike: “Shits all fucked here Tom, there isn’t anything without the distinct funk of being all outta whack”
Tom: “Fuck me that’s pretty heavy, I hear it’s because of Robert Mugabe”
Mike: “Shit yes… its all because of that prick, I have with me now French foreign minister Charlie Hrrrrrnng… Charlie what seems to have happened?”
Charlie: “Well we were all sitting in the sun eating cheese on crusty bread, when bomb this big explosion threatened to cork the wine”
Mike: “Indeed, and it was a bomb”
Charlie: “Of course it was a bomb”
Mike: “And you’re blaming Robert Mugabe, why is that?”
Charlie: “Because he is a, how you say, Cunt!”
Mike: “A big one to… Back to you Tom”
Tom: “Thanks Mike, Mike Hunt there with a fucking epic report about a massive cunt!”

What too much? Oh yeah, 100th post for the year WOOOT!

humor-blogs.com definitely thinks it was to much...