Thursday, February 05, 2009

Lessons in film with Pope Terry: Aliens

The following is a guest post by Pope Terry, and contains the word vagina...

I have no doubt that you’re fully aware some films and movies have much deeper meanings than what is shown in the immediate story. In fact many films are just metaphors for life and its many experiences. They show us the folly of our ways and lead us to change our lives for the better. Or sometimes for the worse, yes ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace’ I’m looking at you.

All kidding aside though not everyone is as clever as me and is able to decipher the hidden meaning behind movies, so I thought I’d pop around and give you a hand with one of my favourite franchises. The ‘Alien’ set of movies will and rightly so go down as one of the greatest horror/action movie franchises of all time, not only for its gripping suspense brilliant special effects and Bill Paxton yelling ‘we’re gonna die man, we’re all gonna die!’. But as well as being the best metaphor for one of the biggest parts of life set to film. Family.

Let’s look at the first film. ‘Alien’ a bunch of friends and colleagues moving through space and life in a giant ship. You’re Sigourney Weaver, don’t worry if you’re a man the metaphor still fits, all of a sudden one of your friends is latched onto by a squidgy thing in a darkened cave. I’ll repeat that. He walks into a darkened cave and gets something that best resembles a bajingo sucked onto his face. So there you are, Ripley cruising through space all of a sudden one of your closest friends has a strange vagina latched to his face, do I need to keep spelling it out. Whether you like it or not, shits about to change!

And then soon enough, a horrible slimy little creature is bursting forth from his gut forever removing his life from yours. And that vagina stuck on his face is no where to be seen, it peeled off a while ago and isn’t even interested in being friends with you. Of course every now and then you’ll think of your friend, but that’s only when his child pops through an air vent on the bridge of your ship, to stick its pokey thing into your engineering officer… huh?

Food or laundry, the only two reasons they ever come to visit

It doesn’t end there though, ‘Aliens’ continues this brilliance of film metaphor. By chance you meet new people, your both a little older than you were before, but all these people are still young at heart and don’t really look to be settling down. Of course soon you find your self stuck again in a new neighbourhood surrounded by these children, these giant metallic acid blooded children who want to lick you for some strange reason.

Suddenly you find yourself with child being thrust upon you, and as a makeshift parent you can’t help but feel that this child is special, if not very annoying and a burden to the rest of the film. But then the children that spring forth from these small squidgy crawling vaginas start appearing everywhere and taking your new friends one by one. You find your self angry at Paul Reiser, because it’s somehow his fault all your friends are pregnant and there are hu-hus crawling around everywhere.

It’s just pure filmic lesson teaching. ‘Alien 3’ and your trapped in your own prison all your friends having been taken by the crawling vaginas and there children. You think you’re free then all of a sudden, bam your robot starts spewing wax, and you find out you’re pregnant. Life over! Again that dam crawling vagina has claimed another victim. Now some of you mothers might be arguing, no children are wonderful, well maybe, but I’m just telling you the message in the film. You get impregnated, you have two choices, let the little freak inside you steal your life from you as it bursts from your body. Or take the plunge and find some molten lava.

They grow up so quick

Of course it’s not over though as we find in ‘Aliens 4’, the movie that proves everything is alright, life doesn’t end when you have a family. Even if you’re a clone and your child is a giant albino space creature with a penchant for eating its own kind. You can still find friends, sure they will probably be criminals and pirates, and your child and some of its friends will probably kill them all. But children will be children wont they. It’s only when they grow old and big enough you have to let them leave, or flush them out the airlock as you re-enter the earths atmosphere, but it’s the same thing, the message is clear. No matter what you do you child will grow up and one day leave, and even if it tries to kill your Wynona Rider Cy-Borg you’ll still have some room for it in your heart. Or somewhere near your liver… I’m not quite sure where they get impregnated. thinks they mostly come out at night... mostly...


  1. that's right - blame the vagina. It's always the vagina's fault isn't it?

  2. NurseMyra- Exactly! I'm glad you agree with me Nurse.

  3. Brilliant! Man, I'm going to have to watch the series again with this new information in my brain. I'll be thinking about vaginas the whole time.

  4. CanadianFermentation- Good to hear, but as a man you should already be thinking about vaginas while your watching anything.


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