Monday, April 13, 2009

Story Time

He wasn't sure when it had happened, when, exactly he'd gotten knee deep in the biggest pile of shit he'd ever seen, but he was in it now. Way past the sockline. God dammit this was horrible, it was like 'The Fugitive', but there was no one armed man, and a lot less wife killing going on. If only someone would kill his wife, that would have made his life a lot easier. But she was to powerful, to smart, to fall for being killed... if she even could die? It had never happened to her before, so for all he knew she was immortal. Shit, she was immortal, that was a realistation he didn't want to vocalise.

He looked across at her in the car, she was sitting next to him in the back of the limo smiling incessantly. She knew, she knew everything, he just wished that she'd finally spill it and just carry out her plans. It was bad enough he'd been relegated to the status of a lap dog. Not even that even, really just a handbag. He already had her phone in his pocket, jesus... he used to be important. He used to be the man, now look at him, waiting for his opportunity to get the word out to the press. This was the biggest conspiracy since the JFK assasination, since Watergate, since the brown m'n'ms scandal. His contacts were waiting but he'd never had the time to see them, what with his wifes minders following him constantly.

This was never going to end well.

“So, how long is this going to take?” He asked slowly, trying not to seem nervous

“As long as it takes” she said smiling back, dodging the question. She'd learnt that from him, that was his tac, and she was stealing it. But she'd pay soon, they all would, all those in charge, and this went right to the top, all the way up there. He had photos of Oprah. This was going to ruin everyone involved. There was no way they could deny it any longer, after this the 'Masculine Revolution' would begin, finally the men would get their own back. When he'd discovered it, he couldn't believe it, but there it was clear as day. For as long as there had been running water, there had been things in the water, fluride, minerals, and also a little substance called 'gen454'. The bitch god of chemistry that came up with that concoction.

All this time women had been laughing it up, keeping it all to themselves. But with this coming out they wouldn't be able to deny it. Shit and fan would meet. Finally after they removed 'gen454' from the water, men would be able to lactate again. And finally they would get back their essence as human males. He looked out the window of the car and shed a tear. The thought was to beautiful to let pass without embracing the emotion, finally again, he a grown man, would be able to breast feed a child.

As the car pulled up at its destination and slowed to allow them out he turned to his wife, looking upon her, the demon spawn of feminism.

“Come on Bill” She said looking away and climbing out of the limo.

“Yes Hilary...” dreams of milky man breasts again one day...


  1. Loverly.

    Didn't see that coming!

  2. alantru- Surprises are always nice...

  3. Heheh.

    Just the thought of lactating men makes me laugh.

  4. Surprises really are. Especially the unexpected types... Oh, wait... Let me rethink that thought...

  5. CanadianFermentation- It kind of makes me gag, to be honest...

    alantru- Unexpected surprise are the best kind aren't they... aren't they?

  6. Alex L...

    Okay, I've thought it over.

    Yes! They are


    Loving the Cat & Leroy by the way.

  7. alantru- I think I agree with you...

    oh and that 'pooland' joke... I'm sorry, I just had to.


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