Monday, July 13, 2009

A special entry: CRICKET

Ah Monday, the one day of the week that heartily gives a big middle finger to the weekend. And once again, I'm just plum out of shit to post. So this is another slap up Monday humdinger. Maybe I just shouldn't bother if that's going to be the standard. Eh who cares. So after watching a bunch of whinging royalists scram and cheer at the prospect of a draw in the firs ashes test last night, I figure that test match cricket needs to be fixed.

I'm quite sick of all these non result draw games. It was quite frustrating watching the England team play for a draw from day three onwards. YOU CHEATING FUCKERS... no, that's not nice, stay calm now. Breath, in and out in and out. Anyway, after watching that I figured there was a few ways I could help out and make sure Australia is never wronged again, well apart from England using South Africans for their national team. Or the steroids they are obviously on.

So plan one, quite simply, first innings is 150 overs, the second is 100. You play to the over limit, or till you lose all your wickets. In the case of a draw, which would be highly unlikely, you just go down to whoever got the most wickets. Simple isn't it...

Plan two not so much. Firstly, and maybe controversially, we do away with the need for a ball, a pitch the stumps and the bench. Both teams of eleven take the field at the same time, and then, quite simply its on. A fight to the DEATH. Of course we need umpires, but we place them on Segue Scooters and have them patrolling the grounds looking at penalties. Yes we still need rules, we're not animals after all.

In the event of a penalty taking place, the team who has been fouled is then allowed to bring its twelfth man on. A Super modified genetic mutant with blades covering its body. Of course there is a time limit to this penalty. And its likely the super mutant will have to be contained with an electrified collar, much the way the Australian team used to handle Andrew Symonds... awrh mean... sorry Symo we love you buddy. Then its the last team standing wins, its quite simple really, of course it would mean a lot more people would needed to be selected for a touring party. But I think there is serious promise there.

Plan three... ducks... loves cricket, it's far better than baseball, but then again getting punched in the throat is better than baseball...


  1. i know nothing about cricket, but thanks for the eye candy (cutie in blue shorts, not the bug diagram!)

  2. Watch out for the ducks!!!

    They are sinister...

  3. All I know about cricket is I like yelling "I'm going for a sixer!" And that last episode of The Young Ones when Rik was the wickets.

  4. Daisyfae- I put that there especially for you...

    alantru- But still not as scary as pelicans

    RenalFailure- You should clearly be commentating for a major network.


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